Well… okay….  sometimes we all stumble in life, and adventure is about trying things and facing the consequences. Sometimes things go well, and sometimes they go badly. My last crew selection went badly, I had to face it, deal with it, and move on. Such is life. Good news, my new crew selection was splendid and I have gone from the worst crew to the best crew like the snap of your fingers.

But it is hard for me to change gears so quickly. I am struggling to adapt so quickly, having trouble releasing the bad crew from my head, still traumatized. Maybe this blog will help me put the bad chapter behind me and look forward again.

 

 

Deep Sea Fishing

If you follow along I often make fun of myself and how terrible I am at deep sea fishing. It is not something I am passionate about or have a lot of interest in, but… when sailing… it just seems logical to troll a lure and at least try to catch free fish. I am not about to invest $50k in fancy gear to catch fish though. I have and own minimal gear and I am trying to keep the price per catch as low as I can.

The blogs fit together with the videos and you can    CLICK HERE    to see the last video about the sail from Barbuda to St. Barts in rough seas and when I was on the best fishing hot streak of my life. The real problem for me… about fishing… is the killing. I am not a hypocrite…   I am a meat eater and fine with that choice…. I understand where my meat comes from….   I am just not biologically designed to do the murdering, it is very difficult for an empath. I cry almost every time I kill a fish, the bloodbath always causes nightmares later.

 

 

Watch the video and you can see me talking to the fish apologizing for hurting it, begging its forgiveness, and later after its done and the camera stops, sobbing like a little girl. Emotionally it is very difficult for my soft soul to deal with. I might be a tough chic on the outside, but I am emotionally soft as jello on the inside.

We lost the first 4 fish, hooked stuff waaay tooo big for my gear. Each time my crew would run up from below, where he spends all his time while we are sailing, and he would be as excited as a kid at Christmas. He was also similarly crestfallen each time the fish broke my gear and got away. He would just be so disappointed. My crew started pushing me with his negative defeatist quitter attitude, “… Lexi stop fishing it’s just a waste of time…  you will never get a fish in…” he tells me with his characteristic self assured certainty.

Dirt dwellers… so weak… give up so easily 

Sailors… so tough… such conquerors…. 

Guess what I did…?   

Yep…. fixed the broken line… put a new swivel on…. picked out a new lure from my little tackle box, a smaller lure, now trying to limit the size of the fish I am attracting, and tried again. Nothing but a stream of negativity coming up from my crew below already back playing on his phone. He was so sure I was stupid and wrong for what I was doing.

Well guess what kid….  we started hooking and landing fish like crazy. The next 5 fish were all landed. My crew now suddenly so excited and shocked I actually did it, he lost faith, I never did.

My crew was like a child with nintendo hands, soft and delicate. After the third fish we had all the meat we needed and I wanted to stop fishing now. My crew pushed and pushed me to keep catching more more more.  I decided to be kind to him and made a deal with him, he had to reel in and kill the next fish we caught. The sociopath has zero empathy or emotional qualms about the killing or the blood bath. Murder doesn’t bother him.

Problem was…. it was like letting a ten year old boy reel in their first fish. He was ginger and delicate about touching the fish. Slow to do what had to be done. Unsteady and incompetent, the fish was suffering while the child tried to figure out what to do about it, afraid to touch the fish. I had to push him to hurry and end its suffering quickly please, my empathy linking me to the suffering animal.

Just fucking do it already kid

 

 

My crew pushed me to keep fishing. I kinda felt that was enough, he had his big fishing adventure story now, we had enough meat. My crew is the kind of guy to not care about other people’s feelings or thoughts or opinions and just keep pushing his own will onto people. I relented again.

Half an hour later we caught a rather large TUNA as seen in the video… and I was sobbing like a baby after I killed it. Emotionally I was just spent… that was it… no more fishing… that’s enough crew… stop pushing me…  it’s done now. I have decided… this is enough. I do not want to kill anymore today.

 

Anger and Resentment

I had deliberately delayed the release of the last blog for AFTER we set sail for St. Martin. I did not want to deal with my crew’s reaction to all the comments and messages he would get about it. Despite the fact I was being very kind to him in that blog, I tried to be as nice and positive as I possibly could with him, I really held so much of the horribleness back, I knew the media attention would obsess him.

UNFORTUNATELY…. 

 

 

As we were sailing like 7 miles off the east coast of the little island of St. Barts… my crew got internet connection and, as he does, downloads everything in a batch, then spends hours going thru it all. We were still sailing in rough seas and my crew checked out of reality to get obsessed with his phone again. He is seldom much help, but now that the grenade of truth went off in Croatia so much louder than even I expected, my crew became ZERO help and got pissy with me like a child.

 

 

Sigh….  ohhh well…    I did toss the grenade of truth and pre-warned him what I was going to write about. He reacted exactly as a narcissistic child would react, so no surprises there. That night we did not make it all the way to St. Martin, the lighter than expected winds for the first 5 hours that morning delayed us significantly. When we got to anchor in a little island called ile Fourchue, he chose to be mean to me and be unkind, like a child throwing a hissy fit. He was one pissy sociopath that night.

Crew refused to help or follow orders

His choice

But mutiny guarantees a quick ejection

 

The Dolphin Story

That evening, after the fishing, as we were coming to anchor at sunset in the lee of this tiny little island just off St. Barts called ile Fourchue, I almost wrecked WildChild…!   The closest call I ever had to disaster.

10 BAD SECONDs 

I am a smart girl and very experienced captain, I know… when entering any new and unfamiliar harbour, go slow, be cautious, and use your instruments to guide you. My crew was now up with me in the cockpit but refusing to follow orders or help me keep a lookout, still obsessed with his phone he would not put down.

It was at dusk and I was rounding the base of the steep 100 meter tall hill comprising the southern end of the tiny island and being the guardian of the little bay. I needed to round the hill to get into its wind and wave protection so I could drop sails and motor in to anchor.

 

 

I am sailing along the base of the hill, on a starboard tac broad reach, carefully watching my forward scanner for any obstacles under the water not marked on the charts. It showed all clear, we were in 70 feet of water with no reefs or obstructions showing on the chart. Forward scan says all good Lexi.

I was eyes forward looking thru the dodger window in the fading light when I thought I saw dolphins breaking the surface of the water just 1 boat length ahead of me on the starboard side.

I exclaimed out loud…  “….  LOOK… DOLPHINS…!“

 

 

But something did not seem right… why would they keep splashing in place and not be moving along. The seconds tick by in slow motion… suddenly my adrenaline spikes as my brain figures out….  “… ohhh SHIT… That’s an unmarked reef 30 feet ahead and we are about to hit it….“. From all calm and safe to instant terror my adrenaline spikes and I crank the helm hard a lee and gybe the yacht hard, heading for deeper water away from the rocks.

Well… that was fucking horrible fast… but I reacted perfectly in that one critical second I had. WildChild went safely out to deeper waters and I was left shaking with adrenaline. That was the closest I have ever come to grounding my yacht.

Let’s try NOT to do that again..!

I live a stressful life

🙁

Dumping Bad Crew

The next morning I butchered up all the tuna into tuna steaks and vacuum sealed them and froze it all. We waited for a few small squalls to blow thru and the wind to drop below 30 knots again, then set sail for St. Martin.

Thankfully we did not have cell reception in the little bay behind the hills for the night. This cut him off from the noise coming out of Croatia and helped me get him calm again. The awkward tension and moody silence filled the yacht so thick you could cut it with a knife that night.

By the next morning my little sociopath had calmed down again, and was willing to help with the yacht again. Together we got the anchor up and sails raised before my crew went down below to play on his phone for the rest of the day. The second he got cell service again he became useless and self obsessed again, but by now, I could would and just did everything myself anyway. I am a good solo sailor. 

Interestingly, as we were approaching St. Martin and got good cell service, my phone also blew up that day with dozens and dozens of lovely kind and supportive E-mails from Croatians who read the last blog. It really surprised me. It was like all the good people of Croatia wanted to just reach out to me to apologize for my Croatian crew and reassure me he does not represent their country. It was like hugs love and kindness from these far away people.

wow huh…?   

My new American crew was scheduled to fly into St. Martin that day, which was the schedule that pushed me into sailing in rough conditions. My crew stayed below all day not helping at all with anything and playing obsessively on his phone reveling in the media attention. Honestly I thought it would take several days for that last blog to explode in Croatia, not spread quite so fast like a fire.

I solo sailed the boat around the Southern end of St. Marteen (the dutch side) and around directly into the strong winds to St. Martin (the french side). The dutch have an expensive complicated check-in process and the french do not. Well… you have heard me sing the French praises many times already. Of course we went to check in to the easy French side despite the winds and wavy anchorage.

As we were sailing in I was wrestling about what to do with Ivan upon arrival, I tried to talk to him about it, but he stuck his fingers in his ears and refused to let me speak a single word or say anything to him. The child really hates to listen to other people. That sort of settled it for me, poor dumb fucker is about to get kicked out on his ass hard for acting like this.

I could have kicked him out immediately upon arrival, I probably should have for his poor attitude and behaviour the last 24 hours, but again I chose to be very kind to him. I decided that I thought he could keep the peace for one more night, his flight was booked for Feb14th (the next day). I had originally agreed to let him stay onboard for the night of Feb13th, I decided to keep my word and let him stay if he could keep the peace. 

The next day, Feb14th 2022, I dinghied my sociopathic crazy crew to shore, checked him safely into the country, and handed him back his passport and shook his hand and said good-bye forever. I remained civilized kind and polite to the crazy manchild. After he was gone I broke down in tears twice, flooded with relief.

 

 

Of course, the only way a sociopath can ever view the world is with themselves as the eternal good guy and hero and to cast down everybody else. I got tired of him constantly putting me down and belittling me. Later that day he started texting me crazy stuff about how he was so relieved to make it off my boat alive.

Dumb shit… he has no idea how hard I worked to protect him from his own stupidity and incompetence, how much I carried him, sheltered and protected him for the last 7 weeks, how much love kindness and tolerance it takes to be near him and not throw him to the sharks. I was nothing but kind to him, but he needs to vilify me now.

 

It was clear, nothing good can ever come out of him. 

I blocked him from ever contacting me again.

I then deleted him from my phone.

Done

 

Reset

I had already arranged to replace my old bad crew with a new crew. That day I got to finally meet in person my new crew Vinay. This new crew is such a delightful splendid kind civilized intelligent wonderful human being, the contrast between my old and new crew makes my head spin.

 

 

I am sort of traumatized now, and trying hard to get Ivan out of my head. I told my new crew Vinay, who met Ivan, that I needed a day to just relax and clear my head. I would begin his training and introduction to WildChild the next day. I needed time to decompress from all that stress.

My new crew, Vinay, is like having an angel land on my yacht. He showed up with a few hundred dollars worth of gifts, offered to pay for all the food we need, offered to take me out for lunch, his treat, and constantly wants to know how he can help. Can you imagine a crew saying let me cook you dinner then let me do the dishes, I want to help…! Like can you imagine having an intelligent kind civilized human being on your boat who actually is nice and wants to help? To give instead of take. Someone considerate towards me.

How shocking is that…!

Vinay could tell I was reeling trying to recover from what I had just gone thru with Ivan. Vinay is very compassionate caring and understanding. He helps me try to put the bad things behind me and look forward, but it’s hard for me. Hard to switch gears 180 degrees in a single day. I went from walking on eggshells and trying to respect my old crews crazy weird habits and beliefs to having a marvellous crew helping me. I could write a book about the last 7 weeks with Ivan but it would be so crazy nobody would believe it.

I am trying to let the badness stay behind me.

Trying to move forward and let it go

 

 

Over the last few days life onboard WildChild has returned to being calm pleasant and peaceful again. With my wonderful new civilized crew the peace has returned to my world and my home can be clean again. The last crew was such a filthy slob, that was very hard for me to live with.

It is difficult for you dirt dwellers to understand just how hard it is for me to have an ever changing stream of strangers come live with me. Living on a small yacht in such tight quarters with a stranger brings with it a whole new energy dynamic with each one. All my other sailor friends have mostly bad stories of crew and they seldom let crew on their boats for exactly this reason.

The good news is though, the energy of my new crew is delightful and so mellow and easy. Best of all, he is naturally clean and tidy.

 

***

 

I often want to try to share with you interesting things I discover on my adventures and most of the interesting things are not visual, cannot be captured in video form. I have spoken to you previously about trying to grasp culture, and thoughts about what breeds or causes crime in humanity?

Let us further these two ideas now.

 

French Culture

After several days of accelerated Captain Lexi’s sailing school Vinay and I took a break yesterday to go to shore. He had a letter he needed to mail and wanted to buy some food and stand on solid ground for a bit. We hit the ground by around 10:30am after the rain showers passed and got stuff done. At around noon Vinay said he wanted to treat me to lunch somewhere, let us enjoy the island for a bit he says.

The lovely helpful lady at the chandlery recommended we go to this little sidewalk type place just down the way called Le SOUS-MARIN, she assured Vinay this is where locals would go to eat. We arrive outside the little food stand slash sidewalk cafe and are trying to decide if we will give it a try or not. The small place is run by the two chefs Jean-Baptiste and his wife Paula.

 

 

Jean sees us looking at the menu and welcomes us like family. He begins showing us the food he has just made from the menu, like home cooking the food is cooked with love and passion for flavour. Every dish is a specialty made to the highest of standards. Every meal costs $12 Euros.

The chefs take pride in their food and he is happy to show us different meals. He explains, using his best franglish which is far superior to my french, about the ingredients and process to prepare each different dish. His options are all like gourmet cooking at low prices. He finally tempts me with Chicken Cordon Bleu made with a white wine and mushroom sauce.

 

 

Jean personally comes out of the kitchen to help us select a table we can be comfortable at. He sits with us discussing life and sharing stories. He personally waits on us and sometimes sits with us to chat. At the end of the meal he says, you must save room for my wife’s chocolate moose, if you like chocolate you will love this he says. Not too much sugar but thick with creamy chocolate. It is an experience you must have before you go he insists, it is only $3 euro he says and promises we will not regret it. When it comes he spoon feeds me my first bite and I melt into heaven.

He smiles at me… see… I told you… this would be a good experience.

I have done a clumsy job of trying to convey to you how in french culture a meal is not a mission, it is an experience to be savoured and enjoyed. I am by no means an expert on French culture but there is something about it that is very appealing. The french seem to have an attitude of life is for enjoying it, not to suffer thru it. I think us westerners endure our lives. The french have a different zest for life that is worth trying to experience for yourself someday.

 

Crime

Please understand, for those of you who have never been here, St. Martin is very wealthy first world Europe. The coast is lined with high rise buildings and fancy shops line the streets as people drive by in very nice expensive cars. The inhabitants are generally very well dressed in swanky expensive clothing and adorned with expensive jewelry.

 

 

As we were walking down the street we passed thru a small parking lot for cars on our way to the chandlery I noticed smashed glass on the ground. As we continued walking I cannot help but notice that 3 vehicles in this one parking lot have been victimized by the old smash and grab.

 

 

This contrast confuses me. Why would people living in such a wealthy place have such need to commit crimes? Sailors who are generally well interconnected, we share all relevant cruising related stories and information, all know that this place, St. Martin, is the highest ranked place for dinghy thefts and dinghy engine thefts in the entire caribbean. This wealthy island is also very high crime….

I wonder why…?

I have been on islands and spent time with locals who were completely dirt poor living in shacks and they welcomed me like family and shared what little they had. I have been on poor islands and heard that crime there is very rare. What is it a about this wealthy first world European civilization that is creating such high crime?

 

 

Such contrast here. This shack with locals living in it is on a major road beside some fancy expensive buildings and shops. These people live like this 1 road over from the wealthy fancy stores I showed you above.

Is it the extremes that causes the crime…? 

Is it the unbearably high cost of living upon the poor…?

Well… i think these questions are interesting…

 

Looking Forward

I am always hesitant to tell you my future plans, because we all know mother nature laughs at our plans. I will give you the map of my intentions though and you can follow the tracker to see how things go.

I have now spent the last 5 days repairing WildChild and getting her ready for the ocean again, yes things break, that’s sailing. I have also spent most of the last 4 days giving my experienced sailor crew a refresher training course and giving him advanced sailing skills he will need as my crew. My boat is ready to go… my new crew is trained and ready to go.

 

 

So Monday  (Feb 21st 2022)…   we go to shore…   figure out where and how to get Covid tested again… pray it is not expensive like on the english islands… and then we will check out.

Monday afternoon…  with mother nature’s permission… we will make an overnight sail to Culebra Puerto Rico. There we will find out how the insane American government feels about letting a Canadian sailboat enter. They have been closed to Canadian boats for 2 years now, covid stupidity. By dumping my European crew and picking up an American crew, I am hopeful America will let me in.

This is a gamble though, no other cruiser friends have been able to confirm if America is friends with Canada again or not. I am unable to predetermine what their answer or reaction will be. So we will show up and just present ourselves to the CBP office in Culebra and see how it goes. Fingers crossed the Americans will behave in a sane and civilized manner. It is unpredictable.

If they let us in… great… we will make our way ever westward until we are ready to jump across the Mona passage to the Dominican Republic.

If they refuse us entry… well…  then I have problems don’t I

But WildChild is going home to Canada no matter what any stupid government has to say about it.

I am going home whether they like it or not, or I will die trying.

At least now I have help, an experienced sailor that I hope I can trust at the helm to make good decisions and keep us safe. Hopefully I now finally have useful crew.

But only time will tell huh…

 

stay tuned…

we will both find out how this goes

 

Wild Captain Lexi

 

hugs love and kindness from far away