The Flower
Once upon a time… a long long time ago… before Captain Lexi was even a Captain… I had found a very rare delicate and precious flower. I enjoyed the beauty of this very delicate flower so much I have kind of spent most of my life half halfheartedly pursuing it again without focus.
It is difficult to really explain to you what this flower looks like because there are so many different variations of it. I know the flower when I find it. When I do finally find it I often weep overwhelmed by the magnificence of its raw genuine and delicate beauty.
When I left to go sailing long ago I thought I would find the meaning of life out here on the ocean. Instead I discovered only that the meaning of life is not on the water, not a place. The meaning of life is clearly not about Geography, it is not a place. What I think I did figure out though is that the meaning of life is somehow connected to this rare delicate flower.
So I have rededicated myself to the pursuit of this flower again.
To find this flower it is helpful to know more about this flower.
A million years ago when I was young I first found this flower when I was married. There slowly developed this spiritual energy or connection between my partner and I without me realizing what it was. She slowly became my best friend in the whole world, the person I could be open and vulnerable with, that I could trust completely. A deep spiritual connection with another human being that is so intimate, so tender that it is as delicate as a flower. This flower has to be very carefully and deliberately tended by both people who have created it. The flower is nurtured into existence with love forgiveness acceptance patience understanding and empathy. The flower is the product of virtuous love. The flower is so delicate that even very small disturbances can damage it. If the flower gets neglected by either person or taken for granted it also begins to wither and die. The flower can only exist between two people and requires two people to tend it.
The beauty and joy found in the presence of this tender flower is actually the true meaning of life. This has taken my very old soul a long time to figure out and appreciate as this flower is an invisible spiritual energy that can develop between two people, you cannot directly see this flower with your eyes, you must observe the aura of its existence in other ways.
I was once basking in the presence of this precious flower when I was married but the flower was deliberately destroyed by her. Before I left for this crazy sailing adventure the flower had also manifested itself between me and a monkey. In the presence of this flower though I was so blinded by the flowers beauty that it blinded me from seeing the deceitful nature of the monkey. Slowly the reality of the monkey’s nature began to erode and kill the flower and before I knew it I was heartbroken crying and completely devastated that the flower had died.
I had tried so hard to save the flower. I had placed such high value on the flower I begged the monkey to stop killing it. I did not agree to accept the death of the flower but the thing about the flower is that it must be tended by two people equally. You cannot ever find the flower in solitude.
It was almost a miracle when I discovered the flower had yet again appeared on WildChild last year. If you watch the videos being released this summer, and you watch carefully, you can sometimes see the flower in the background. I never focused the camera or my videos on the flower and mostly kept it secret, but it was there, and this time I knew it and valued it so much.
But… the flower was not tended very well by my partner. She was too spiritually young to appreciate the rare delicate value of the flower. There were times I could point out it presence to her and she could say she saw the flower, but I am unsure if really she did. Eventually her dragon nature began to emerge and she really attacked and deliberately hurt the flower. I think I was foolish in my long and continuous effort to keep saving the flower from the damage of the dragon. Any logical or sane person could see it was a lost cause, my friends all advised me so.
I just spent 20 days sailing across the Atlantic ocean. I had many hours alone at the helm surrounded by nothing but sky and water. Alone with my thoughts I often began to cry. I am so frustrated with the way things have turned out. Sailing has taught me that nothing ever goes according to plan. Life has taught me that the pursuit of this flower is the meaning of life. I had found the presence of the flower yet again in my life and lost it yet again due to my partners selfish nature. Still… losing the flower has devastated me, hurt me deeply.
Not money nor power nor material things can ever compare to the value of living in the presence of this flower. I want for myself in life nothing more than to find and nurture this flower again someday. Maybe in here we can find the breath of hope for the future. Why bother waking up every morning, why move forward in time towards what, maybe seeking the flower is the light at the end of the tunnel worth living for. The hope of someday living again within the grace of the flower’s beauty is worth striving thru the daily drudgery.
I find myself alone again despite my efforts with nothing but my tears and there is nothing I can do to earn the flower back. I am so frustrated and spiritually broken yet again. I sprinkle my keyboard with tears as I lament the flower I have lost.
Lexi…
. ….. the philosophical poet today it seems.