It appears that my life has taken another left turn, adventure never goes according to plan. Elena has now left WildChild to pursue her next adventures and I am now alone again to figure out what the hell am I going to do now..?
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Elena Moves on…
You know how they say sometimes in life when one door closes another one opens… well as of right now I am extremely upset that this chapter of my life has come to an end. Of course nothing ever goes according to plan. My plan was for good Elena and I to continue sailing to get WildChild home. It seems however that she is not suited to this lifestyle and she has chosen a different path for herself. She has booked her flight to India and will be leaving Grenada on Jan 21st to go have that next adventure she wants and that is okay. However, she has been lying to me and has been trying to hide this fact from me for the last week. Moody bad Elena has been hard to live with lately, very sneaky and manipulative.
Last week as WildChild was in the boat yard awaiting her welder hero to come fix her I was approached by another sailor who told me that there was an old Canadian man in the office kicking up a fuss asking for help to contact the Canadian Embassy. I was asked if I would go try to help the old guy, so I did.
As I opened the office doors shown above I met Vernon. Vernon is 95 years old and still out here sailing. He owns his own boat, this blue one in the picture and he climbs up and down that ladder in the back everyday on his own. Vernon is a great guy still with all his marbles and just little bit slowed down by his age. I helped him out of a jam in the office and walked with him back to his boat. As I was talking with him listening with interest to his story I learned that this local guy with him, George had recently been hired by Vernon to help him sail as crew. George seems kind gentle and patient and we chatted for a while. I also learned that Vernon was looking for another crew member.
I saw an opportunity here that might work out well for Elena, who remained back on WildChild at the dock. So when I got back to my boat a while later I told Elena about it and walked her back into the boatyard to introduce her to George and Vernon so she could talk with them and maybe discuss becoming crew with them if she, or they, were interested. I knew at the time she was determined to fly to India but afterwards she wanted to keep sailing. They talked together for a while and I do not know what they discussed, as of course, when silent Elena returned to WildChild later she refused to tell me anything. So who knows what ever came of this discussion, these people seemed nice though, the boat seemed solid and safe.
I have been thinking about the story of Vernon a lot lately. What a cool old guy. When speaking with him I needed to speak up loud and clear for him to hear me as is common when dealing with older people. Vernon speaks in a slow raspy voice but if you follow along with his conversation he is charming civilized and polite as you would expect of any Canadian. He told me he was an engineer from Canada’s West coast somewhere in B.C. His wife used to sail with him but she died 20 years ago and he is still out here sailing alone. You have to be impressed with the perseverance of the man. I asked him why is he still out here sailing, after all this sailing life is hard. He tells me that he knows that when he stops sailing he will die. Sailing keeps him going he says… interesting.
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Side Story
So remember last blog when I told you about this half sunk abandoned boat in the bay on the way to the Spice island marine boat yard…?
Well yesterday I was on shore making new friends with the wonderful cruisers here. I met a couple who has been living here in Prickely bay on their boat for years now and they seem to know about everything that goes on here. I have been dying of curiosity to know the story of this half sunken vessel and Julie seemed to know something of its story; she shared as follows:
It seems this vessels name is YOLO. It was owned by an older couple. They were here last year on a mooring. The man had a heart attack on the boat and was rushed to shore but he died. The wife left and flew home (Not sure what country) and abandoned the boat. It sat there on the mooring for months slowly deteriorating. Eventually the mooring owners came and removed the boat from their mooring for non-payment and they anchored it nearby where it sat for months more.
Apparently it still had a dinghy floating behind it that slowly over time, kept filling with rainwater and building up with marine growth until the tender succumbed and sank. Still the yacht sat there neglected.
About 2 months ago they had a strong tropical storm pass over here and at that time YOLO dragged anchor and beached itself where it now lays. it also began taking on water at around that time and began sinking. The poor vessel lays there dying as the woman who owns it and is responsible for it has walked away and washed her hands of it completely.
what a waste…
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Elena finally leaves
Since my introducing Elena to Vernon and George last week I have continued to allow Elena to live on board WildChild and I have continued paying for her food and taking care of her, but it has been difficult. I understand that her bipolar is not her fault, but now she is really in a bad mood and her behavior has been escalating. I have no intention of getting into the personal details, my close friends already know them, but suffice it to say Saturday Jan 11th Elena got herself quickly and suddenly kicked off WildChild.
It was clear that peaceful coexistence with her was not going to be possible. If she cannot behave in a civilized way I need to do what is best for me, protect myself and my boat, she had to get out. Saturday morning she was told to pack her stuff I was dropping her off onshore.
Emotionally this has been very difficult for me. As a Christian I believe God is always watching me, and someday will judge me on how well I have treated his other children. It is why I am soft gentle patient giving loving and kind, even when I have no logical reason to be. I need to be able to live with myself and sleep at night. I know that I cannot control what other people do, and I am not responsible for what other people do, but I hold myself to my own personal high standards of conduct. I am always responsible for what I do and I keep my conscience clear between me and God.
Last night my Texas friend Bryan, watching the recent YouTube videos releasing, was asking about why I gave up so much, lost so much, tolerated so much abuse from the evil Monkey months ago when he left. I clearly did not have to be so kind to him, I owed him nothing, yet I continued to be so kind to him even after he physically attacked me. I have been thinking about this. Even after it was clear last year that the evil monkey was being booted off the boat, i still let him live on board for 2 more weeks, we still lived together and behaved civil, until he found another boat. After a solemn oath not to drink alcohol while still on board he was able to behave in a civil manner. I know that my conscience is clear in that breakup and I have no regrets about anything I said or did, the same can be said of Elena’s departure now too.
Brother Ryan says I owe Elena nothing, she has been crew, contributed very little, behaved badly, and she chose to leave for india. Lexi you owe her nothing, if she cannot behave in a civil manner send her on her way. She has thousands of dollars she can afford to stay in a hotel until her flight leaves. You do not need to let her mooch off you and manipulate you and keep hurting you. He is right. Logically he is completely right.
Why do I still feel so horrible that this has gone so badly? It was not my doing. I have been civilized gentle polite and kind to Elena. She is the one choosing the nasty path. This is her own choices that have led her here. Yet I still feel terrible about this ending. It has been so unnecessary. None of this has been my choice, right up until the moment I decided to end it Saturday morning and protect myself.
And so… Saturday morning… I told Elena to pack her stuff and I drove her in the dinghy to shore and sent her on her way. I do not know where she has gone or where she is now. I feel horrible about it but she has lots of money she can choose to take care of herself if she wants to, she can afford a nice hotel, but mostly… she is not my problem anymore.
Good-bye Elena and good luck…
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Next Chapter
So yet again I find myself all alone on WildChild and very far from home. What I am clear about is that I am very homesick. I have had enough of the ocean and this sailing life. This life is hard. Sailing around in the ocean is NOT the meaning of life. This life is not glamorous, but it not boring. It is a constant struggle in new places. Finding the meaning of life is not a matter of changing your geography… it is an internal thing that you can find no matter where you are. The meaning of life is a spiritual journey not a physical one.
… WildChild needs to go home…!
So from here on out. WildChild will not move a single nautical mile further from home. From today forward WildChild is going north. Every passage and every course WildChild plots will be designed to get her closer to home. I need to either sell this boat and fly home or bring the boat home with me… but I am going home.
After dropping Elena off Saturday I was crying and I knew I needed to find a way to heal myself. As I was riding back to WildChild for some reason I felt the urge to go make friends with the Catamaran moored behind me. I had seen them around with their big beautiful German shepherd, I just miss my dog so much, I decided I would ask if I could meet their dog and maybe make new friends.
I am sure my guardian angels drew me in that direction. I met two wonderful human beings from Alabama named Tim and Candy. They welcomed me on board and introduced me to their dog Thor. It was so spiritually refreshing for me to see that there are still good happy nice and kind people left in the world. These have been the first people I have ever met from Alabama but if they are representative of their state wow… good people.
Tim was installing his new water maker and of course I offered to help. I thought perhaps being around good people and having a fun technical project to help tackle might do me a world of good. It took us until after sunset to finally declare victory as a team but eventually we did. They were producing 20 gallons an hour by the time I left for home.
Yesterday they invited me to join them on shore at the beach for a small informal cruisers gathering. They picked me up in their dinghy at 1pm and we went to the beach bar called the sand dollar. There I met bunch of wonderful people also on sailboats. We sat around sharing stories and getting to know one another. This is where I picked up the story of Yolo for you.
I had 2 new first experiences yesterday. Peter bought me my first margarita drink, I have never had one before, and I learned what botchie ball was. After a lovely lunch we all played botchie ball on the beach. I had never even seen the game before, let alone ever played it, but it was fun. I am not sure if they were just being kind but my team won, mostly due to my partners efforts.
This morning…
This morning I woke up feeling better. I finally got my first good nights sleep in two weeks. Again I am remembering who I am. I am beginning to see again that life can be good. I am not exactly sure what the future has in store for me, I have no idea where this path will lead, again my fate has been cast to the wind.
I know that given my medical condition it is a terrible idea for me to sail alone. I know that I choose not to ever sail WildChild alone. I know that I am now alone on WildChild again. I know that I need help. I know that I need crew.
I am both nervous and curious about what this next chapter of WildChild’s journey will look like.
But… I guess we will both find out together.
Cheers friends and family… Everyone thank you so much for letting me lean on you in the last few weeks. Your love guidance and kindness has really carried me thru my darkness again…
Captain Lexi the lost again…
. …Cheers…