Dear diary…
Well I have been alone for 3 days now and something deep inside my soul is beginning to rise up. This hidden and deep inner strength. It developed when I was little and being abused by my drunk and angry parents… the little girl stood up and rebelled… my fight instinct began to develop at an early age. Today I can feel that strength begin to rise again… screw it… nothing is going to keep me down. I will not surrender to fear. I will fight to the death.
I am still at safe anchor in Marsh Harbor and if the boat needs to be moved I will have to do it alone… but I am strong now… getting stronger everyday… and I know I can do it. Elena my new crew will be here April 4th. Then I will have help… and I am sure us 2 girls can totally do this crazy thing… lets jump.
So of the 2 options I was facing a few days ago I have settled on being brave, continuing the adventure, and going south out of the Hurricane zone. This is a huge and scary thing to do, make another thousand miles south without Michel. He may have been a monkey on the boat but he was my monkey and we had faced a lot of nasty ocean together. So he was a known variable, Elena is an unknown variable.
What if she gets easily sea sick? What if she runs and hides during danger? What if she cannot learn the sailing stuff? What if she is not strong enough to handle the lines ropes and sheets on the boat… she is tiny at 5’3″ and like 120lbs… lacks the physical force to do this? What if… what if… what if… She is an unknown variable that I am still worried about. But it is a gamble… and I am brave enough to make that gamble on her without even meeting her in person.
I have taught several other people how to sail in the past. I am a good teacher and maybe she will be a good student. The thing is though… I have had students that simply lacked the inner ability to sail. They couldn’t do it no matter how much they wanted to. I have zero artistic ability by birth… and I will never be an artist.
I feel like she will be good crew… she seems like a strong girl… I hope she will succeed. If she doesn’t succeed then I take responsibility for that too, I will face it. If she doesn’t like the sailing life and chooses to leave then I will find new crew and train them too. Mostly though I am banking heavily on Elena succeeding.
I have heard from Michel back in Florida and he has found himself a new boat he bought yesterday. So the plan now is he will bring the boat here to the Bahamas to WildChild within the next 2 weeks. When he gets here we will transfer the rest of his stuff off WildChild. Give him bedding and blankets and kitchen utensils and all the scuba gear. This will make more room on WildChild for Elena and I.
I bought $10,000 dollars worth of scuba gear because it was Michel’s dream. He loved the idea of scuba diving in the Caribbean. I don’t really think the diving experience was worth the 10 grand it cost in gear. The scuba dive tank compressor takes up so much room in the engine room I can’t get down there to make water. It is so heavy I cannot lift it. Michel will take the gear off the boat and he can find a new dive partner.
After the transfer of stuff is done… we will both sail south… Michel alone and Me with Elena. Michel will make himself a new YouTube channel and you can follow both separate journeys south from here.
Hopefully I can catch up the videos closer to real time in the next few weeks… I am working hard to achieve this.
Maybe this is a new beginning…
Captain Lexi
……. the almost strong and almost brave….